The way you speak to yourself matters more than you think

It usually starts with something small.   You forget to reply to a message. You mess up at work. You cancel plans because you’re too tired to show up.   And before you know it, that voice in your head pipes on up and says:    Why can’t you get it together? Why are you always like this? You should be doing more.

But you wouldn’t say those things to a friend, right? If your best friend was having a tough day, you’d probably remind them they’re doing their best and that it’s okay to feel off. That they don’t need to be perfect to be loved or respected.

And for some crazy reason, we never seem to offer ourselves the same softness or the same understanding.

We slip into criticism so damn easily that we barely even notice it. It becomes background noise – the way we speak to ourselves when no one else is listening. Then as time goes on, it chips away at our sense of confidence and worth – often without us even realising. 

But just imagine for a second if you spoke to your younger self like that. Imagine it’s ten-year-old you, sitting on the edge of your bed, already trying so hard. You wouldn’t tell them they’re not good enough or that they need to be fixed before they can feel proud. You’d probably just sit beside them, tell them it’s okay and that they’re already doing more than enough.

That 10-year-old version of you? They’re still here.

Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean you have to pretend everything’s fine or that you stop trying to grow or simply stop caring about things. It just means not turning on yourself when things feel hard.

It means offering yourself some grace if you fall short. It means taking a break without feeling guilty. It means you start to clock the way you speak to yourself and actively choose to be kinder, and gentler. 

You absolutely don’t have to be a perfectly healed version of yourself before you’re allowed to feel proud. Or happy. Or just ‘okay’.

And it probably won’t feel natural straight away. If you’ve been your own biggest critic for years, kindness might feel a bit awkward at first. But that’s okay. It’s like a new muscle you’re working, and it’ll only get stronger the more you use it.

So perhaps next time you mess up, or feel off or don’t hit the mark – pause and take a breath. Then ask yourself: “What would I say to my best friend in this situation?”
 
Then try saying it to you.

You might be surprised how much kinder life feels when you start being kind to yourself first.

With love,
Nakie HQ